#16 FIRST LOVE.

Numerous times have I thought about writing a post in the past couple days. But I thought I'd deal with life directly before I try to document it.

I am now single.
This was not out of my own doing, it was done by the girl who I thought was something different than what she turned out to be. I saw potential in something which has now turned out to be not very nice, quite the opposite of my thoughts in fact.
To make this very simple - Danni cheated on me and then ended things whilst wanting to 'still talk'.

Although at first I was in a haze of 'why', I've now realised that this couldn't have been done by the girl I thought I loved. I gave her everything and she was too immature to appreciate it.
In some ways I'm glad things are over, because in hindsight she was not a very nice person.

Atleast now I don't have to try and justify her cheating on me, I can accept her for the heartless person she is!
Overall I'm putting this down under the heading 'First Love'.
Yes, I've been in relationships before..but this is the one where I meant the word 'love' every time I used it.
This is the relationship that taught me what it's like to fall in love, I guess it also taught me that its unwise to feel this unless the person feels as strongly towards you. She simply became complacent and a person that I'm happy is no longer in my life.
I tried my best to be the best boyfriend possible, I did everything I could for her....and she treated me like this. She didn't appreciate how much I cared for her.
Yes I know I've written many songs about love, but until these last few months I've been relatively inexperienced in the power that the four-letter word can have. This is an experience that, although being extremely painful, will help me to mature in both myself and my songwriting - whilst helping me to realise in the future which girls are a waste of time with.

Now it's time to move on. Unfortunately the memories live on in songs I've written, one of which will be played at next week's Ricoh Arena gig supporting The Specials :/ ...that'll be an interesting few minutes. It'll also be hard visiting all the places we use to go to because we did so much whilst we were together, even all of my favourite songs I handed over to her.

This has been an unpleasant few days, and I know I'm not fully over her, but I will be in time. Because now I know that regardless of how I feel now, she was not the right girl for me - Danni turned out to be a poisonous adolescent, but I loved her so much.

Talk to you soon,
SM. x

p.s. I'm going to leave those previous posts below still on the page. Maybe more people can realise the dangerous joys of naivety, ...they only last for so long.